Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Cosmic Kick in the Pants

I've been in a bit of a funk lately and I think I've just figured out why. It's because on some instinctual level I've been waiting for my cosmic kick in the pants. It's that event that is so awesome in importance and so unplanned that it redefines your perspective. Often it is a tragedy, but it need not be one. It can be as simple as an epiphany or a dream of startling clarity (and when one is coming up, I usually do start having more vivid and intense dreams). It might be some goal or destination towards which you had always been headed, but which couuld not real in your life until your first true experience of it.

Whatever shape it takes, I seem to encounter one every few years. Sometimes they have been icebergs of despair and other times they have (quite literally) been a simple bloom of hope. But, they are always an opportunity to either reaffirm my life and its direction, or a chance to radically alter my path and initiate a whole new heading. As terrifying as these events may be, they are also, in a roundabout way, kind of comforting too.

I am restless and introspective. I feel as though I am a character from the beginning of a Camus novel. There's a sense of tension and suspense right now as I wait and wait for whatever is coming my way. I'm anticipating whatever it might be and almost looking forward to it, as I know it will be a stirring wind that brings personal growth - whether the initiating event turns out to be good or bad.

No comments: