The Next Chapter – Secret #1: Acknowledging Your Creative Self

I’m taking part in an online book blogging club called The Next Chapter.  This post is part of our discussion about The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women.  Feel free to jump in to the conversation here or with some of the other posts about Secret #1.

I’m so excited to be participating in a book group.  It’s something I’ve always wanted to do.  In fact, it’s even on my life list (listed under ‘Pinups & Pearls’ #19).  This may sound odd to some, but it’s really taking me back to my days at University.  The ones when I had good English lit classes and got to listen to (and occasionally even participate in)really provocative discussions about books and the wonderful worlds they opened up to us.

My Little Crazy Thoughts

First and foremost, I have a hard time putting myself under the creative label.  I usually associate creativity with some sort of visual artistic endeavor or intuitive expression.  I don’t paint or draw.  I have some musical ability but no ability to improvise or compose.  I enjoy dancing, but don’t really think that I excel at that either.  And that’s another thing that I usually associate with creativity – excellence.  It isn’t good enough to simply do something, you’ve got to be good at it too.  But perhaps that just the Virgo in me coming to the surface.

Yet, I still consider myself an ardent admirer of creativity in others and I still feel the need to engage in creating activities.  But, I have also come to realize that I usually thrive with ordered creativity.  I feel that creative calling, but will feel lost when I get there, unless I’ve learned some of the rules of the road that I’m on.  (Even as a child I always felt compelled to colour within the lines).  I guess it’s just one more contradiction to add to my list of personality quirks.

I feel like I’m the thing you look at when you turn the kaleidoscope.  I’m always changing things around and tumbling past this point, on to the next stage and the next and the next.  So, it’s hard to pin down where I am today.  I always am trying to find new ways to change . . . improve . . .evolve.

As I said before, I don’t really feel comfortable putting the ‘creative’ label on.  But, I’m working on accepting myself for who I am and acknowledging that my creativity might not match the stereotypical ‘creative’ label.  I crave order.  Give me lists!  I need to intellectually understand the principles behind the creative process.  I need to unlock the puzzle and deconstruct the process and why it works. 

I’m glad the book works on challenges and specific questions that we think and write about.  I feel like writing is one of my strengths and an area I’d like to continue strengthening.

I Am Here

As Jamie suggested, this is a great time to share where I am in my particular journey to my creative self.

I can’t pin down why or when it all began, but I only remember always questioning my own intuition.  Perhaps that’s one of the childhood memories that has become completely blotted out by time.  Perhaps it is just a function of my shyness.  Whatever is the cause, I’m working on letting go and loosening up.

Looking back, 2008 was a phenomenal year for my creative process.  It started with a little event in 2007 called NaNoWriMo, which lead me to this great podcast about Writing and Wine.  I learned a lot about writing and then jumped into a community of writers, some of whom are just like me.  And I learned a lot.  Then when I did NaNoWriMo again in 2008, I really felt the joy of the process.  I felt like I was a writer, instead of just someone who was writing.

I also have started feeling comfortable with some of my own style choices.  Mostly, my secret has been to stop caring what everyone else in the world might think.  I think the closest to artistry that I get to, is applying my makeup.  And this has been the year that I really started to let myself play, even if it meant standing out a bit (like by wearing orange eye shadow).  (But, last year I also finally found some good instructions and realized that I had fallen in love with steampunk without knowing it.)  We also started decorating our house this past year.  I still let/make L make most of the decisions.  But I think the fact that we have an arcade cabinet in our kitchen speaks a bit to my own creativity too ;)